I hate playing at most OSR tables
Foot tapping rapidly, leaving my desk to fold clothes and yawn cause I'm so fucking BORED. Playing DCSS in the browser while everyone else takes 20 mins to decide what door to take. I get called on and I don't remember what is happening.
I'm an experienced gm but a troubled player.
I get bored as hell by logistical play and when I don't get to tell everyone what to do. I get involved when I can role-play, although I still may get distracted and sometimes straight up leave the game if I am not being involved enough.
One of my favorite campaigns of all time was this one where I was captain. I was a great captain! Leaders only need to tell people what to do when urgency is important, it's more about leaning on your group's competence most of the time but sometimes making the final judgement call. Or letting someone else stretch and make a decision and accepting that whatever happens is not what you would have wanted.
I like spreadsheets when gming but sometime despise them while playing, if they are the main focus.
I didn't used to have this problem when I played more storygames, like a decade ago. Monsterhearts always engages me.
My time is more valuable now. I have other things I'd rather be doing than playing a game where I am bored as hell. I don't need the social fix and I don't need the fun fix, those are satisfied most of the time.
I want to be a better player.
I hate overly masculine games, I can't stand overly-masculine players. Guns! Killing! Rad shit! Naw. Boring shit. It's not for me. What most of the rainbow osr discord server seems to think is cool is boring as hell.
I'm still looking for my rpg set in Bellona. Sometimes explosive action but mostly freaks sitting at the leather bar and living their lives.
I want to play more games but I can't stand most gms. The default correct speed for a game I run is a canter. This isn't always kept, especially when learning a game. Sometimes I like to run a big combat for a tough situation as a gallop. You shouldn't have time to make good decisions. You should be anxious and a little frantic and keep moving forward.
I have no advice for you. I'm a great player when I am engaged. I will help schedule your games and I will keep spreadsheets up to date. I will think about your game in-between sessions.
I can't stand being ignored for long stretches. It also takes me awhile to warm up to new tables. I also practically need cameras on to stay engaged. Compliment my outfit or my sequin shawl that always surrounds me when I am on camera.
My characters are rarely overtly feminine but I require a more feminine game: Relationships, clothing and style, sex, a focus on the domestic. Who is patching up our traveling clothes?
Engage me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!